


Burn

by orphan_account



Series: Burn Trilogy [1]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Abuse, Abuse of Authority, Dark, M/M, Rape, Sexual Harassment, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-07
Updated: 2010-07-08
Packaged: 2017-10-10 10:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/98915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Burn through the flesh and bones but leave behind this ancient soul and leave those naked wounds exposed. Tonight we are reborn..." Adam, Tommy and others are "patients" in a psychiatric hospital. -Warning: mature read. Abuse, torture, language</p><p>Disclamer nothing here belongs to me except the plot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One: Not Really Research

**Author's Note:**

> UndergroundValentine chapters are the odd, mine are the even.
> 
> Ages-  
> Adam- 15  
> Tommy - 17  
> Allison - 14   
> Kris - 18
> 
> In other chapters there will be notes on things if needed.

"In you go, Lambert." A guard grunts with a low laugh after. My body is aching and my head hurts. His hand pushes me from the small of my back into my room, and the door closes. I stare at it briefly, before sighing heavily, and crossing to my bed. How long have I been here?

I remember when, while living with my parents, that we got a letter in the mail. Something about research on the brain and the need for teenage volunteers. The government was doing national testing on mental diseases and conditions. Looking for solutions to simple things like ADD, ADHD, depression, insomnia, things like that. I thought it was strange at the time that my family received the letter, asking for either myself or Neil. I was in the middle of my high school years, but I had been having difficulty with self image and confidence. My parents thought it would be good for me.

What do I tell them now? Unfortunately, that's something I can't do anymore. I can't contact my parents. They don't know if I'm alive or not, or if I'm still in some medical testing. We used to be able to send letters to our families once a week, to keep them informed in the testing without giving out too much information. They didn't want us to spill and secrets. Government issues, you know? I didn't see a problem with this. I wrote in great detail as best I could and as often as I could. I told them I was doing well, that I was sleeping and eating right, that the scientists and officials had brought in work from my school to keep me on track. It was all a glorious thing.

At least, it was for the first three months.

After a while, they stopped letting us write our families. Saying things about needing to do more testing, and that there wasn't time to write and send letters. Then we didn't have time to do school work or socialize really. Government officials stopped coming by to keep a tab on things. It was us teenagers and the scientists, running tests and reports every day of every week of every passing month after the "Golden Three" as we have now put it. We lost the little things we had to normal life, and then it was eat, sleep, test, repeat. But it wasn't bad, really. Just boring. One year of living in the facility, and it was okay. Decent.

"Did you hear the news? Were getting more patients today." I hear them whispering from outside of my room. It's a bland space, nothing more than ten feet by twelve feet (I've been bored enough to measure it out to the best of my abilities). There are two beds, one on either side of the room. I'm the only one in this particular room now. I used to have a roommate, but they pulled her out for testing about a week ago and I haven't seen her since.

"Really? How many?" Another, gruff, deep voice. I shiver. I know that voice well; he's done testing on me before. Brain scans, memory charts, blood tests, really trivial things that don't make any sense to me, but I go along with it because, as I've learned, the more I cooperate, the more I stay alive.

"At least a few dozen. Mostly from the Southwest states, but we picked up a couple from the Midwest too." I pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and staring at the small, mesh covered window of the door. The walls are painted a dull, creamy brown. The door is white with a green mesh window, the height of my forearm and the width of my palm. Its small, really unappealing, but I've learned to ignore it. The only benefit to this window is that it allows sound. Sometimes, if the "doctors" are in a good mood, they play music.

Sometimes I sing.

I look over to the wall beside my bed. There are tally marks. I don't count them, because I don't feel like it. But just looking at them, I know I've been here a really, really long time. Over a year and two months. It's weird. And I miss my family like crazy. It kills me every day to be unable to tell them what's going on and the fact that we were wrong. But I can't.

I sigh, dropping my head on the tops of my knees. I don t like thinking about all of this, but sometimes I just can't help it. It's all I've got anymore, thinking. Thinking and singing, though one of the last times I sang too loud, I got in trouble. I shiver at the thought of the punishment. One of the passing guards heard me and told me stop. But I hadn't been paying attention to him, and I continued singing. Had come into the room and pulled me to the floor. I can still feel the bruises even though they're visibly gone. But now I've got fresh ones to add onto them, and it burns even worse. I shiver again. I hate it here. I wish I could go home.

There's a noise out in the hallway. Voices. People talking in confused and frightened shouts. They used to be so nice about all of this. Once upon a time, everyone got their own rooms. Once upon a time the food was decent and we had music. Once upon a time this whole operation felt like it had a purpose. Now it's almost like a reenactment of the Holocaust. Now it's nothing that it promised to be. It's not a nice place with promises of hopeful conclusions to research. It's cruel. It's cold. It's brutal here.

"Alright, in." The door swings open and a lanky, blond man with wide, brown eyes stumbles in, wearing white pants, a white shirt and slippers. It's the attire were given, though because I'm a "long term" patient, mine are blue. The blond pants, scrambling from the middle of the floor to the door as it slams shut before he can reach it in time. He pounds on it a few times, whimpering pleas for help and shaking. My heart flips at the sight of him. He's a ragged mess of fear. I wish I could say I know how he feels, but I don't. At least, not entirely. My upbringing to this place wasn't of fear.

"It's no use. Just sit down and try to keep yourself from vomiting." I tell him, he turns to me, seeing the discoloration of my skin around my neck and on my wrists. His eyes widen and he looks away for a moment, glancing at the door again before going back to me.

"W-what?" He whispers, his voice cold with fear. He has yet to know.

"Nothing. Just sit down. There's a pitcher of water on the floor by your bed if you need to calm your nerves. It'll get better." I say to him, dropping my head to my knees not looking up at him. I've heard stories during dinner rush of people who couldn't cope. I mentally shake my head and I sigh softly. He pauses, before shuffling across the floor to his bed, sitting down on it. The frame creaks gently, and he's silent for a long while more. It's usually like this; silence. It's safe.

I uncurl myself from my ball and turn, lying down on my side, facing him. His hair is a short, cropped mess with long bangs of brown hanging over the left side of his face. His brown eyes are downcast, staring at his slippers. The breast pocket of his shirt has his last name scrawled on it with some kind of ink, I imagine. The shitty handwriting reads "Ratliff". Nice last name. I wonder what his first name is, but I don't ask him about it. He crosses his legs and slouches forward slightly, keeping his head low. He looks pitiful, but I don't blame him. We all do. It's just the natural way of things.

I don't realize that I've closed my eyes until he speaks, and they flutter open to look at him. "What's your name?" He asks me. I blink.

"Adam." I tell him, and he nods once.

"I'm Tommy." I allow myself a crooked smile in his direction. Tommy. Fitting. Tommy Ratliff. The name sounds like honey in my head. A perfect blend together, almost as if it was planned before existence. This is what happens when you're stuck in the same room for fourteen months.

"So… what is this place . . . exactly?" Tommy asks me, and a small breath passes between my teeth before I respond.

"I don't know. It's some kind of psychiatric facility, that's all I know. Designed to study and find solutions for common mental disorders and conditions. But. . ." I trail off, staring down at the stone floor beneath Tommy's bed. He pauses, staring at me intently, waiting for me to finish my sentence. But I don't at first.

"But?" He asks.

"It's not really research." I tell him.


	2. Chapter Two: Not Some Slave

I'm scared. More than I should be. Those words, I didn't want to hear from his lips. I want to ask him more about what he means, but someone opens the door. "Ratliff, Come with us. Lambert you can go to supper." I see Adam's look in his eyes- they are void of traces of emotions. _ ** "Ratliff!"**_ The guard barks and I cringe and get up as Adam hurries across the small space and goes out the door two guards beside him as he vanishes from my view.

The guard storms into the room pulling me roughly by the arm. I wince. "I said come with us." He hisses into my ear, and I don't like it. He drags me down the hall- I don't know where I am. He turns the corner still gripping my hand tightly, stopping at a door labeled- _ Medical ward._ We go though the double doors and down the hall though another set before we stop at a door labeled _ Ward._ He pulls me though the door then shuts it behind it.

A doctor sits twirling a needle in his hands- a liquid in it. He's young only early twenties. Brown hair and eyes, a lab coat on- I can see a scalpel in his pocket and swallow. I don't like this. The guard lets go of my hand but I don't move. I can't I'm too afraid, this doesn't feel right. The doctor however walks towards me examining me.

"Thomas Ratliff? I assume." His voice is light.

"Tommy." I correct him automatically.

Then the impact of a slap across my face makes my body freeze up and I don't whine I don't even speak. "Rule one. Don't speak unless told to. Rule two; don't do anything unless told to. Rule three don't talk to others unless told to."The doctor's voice is cold- and it makes me freeze up.

"I'm not some slave you."- He moves behind me his hand covering my nose and mouth. I struggle trying to get away so I can breathe his hand clamps tighter around my mouth and I bite him. The doctor doesn't even flinch but then I feel it, the poke- the sharp stinging of the needle in my skin, and my muscles don't want to work- they lock up.

The doctor's voice is muffled whisper, and I can't form any words on my lips. I'm picked up as if I weigh nothing and I'm thrown onto a table- my hands restrained. My eyes look into as bright light and I wince. Why is this happening? My head feels sluggish. I can't even move I just stare up helplessly. This isn't right; they shouldn't be able to do this. I'm not given much time to think as the doctor taps my knee.

"Age." He's holding a small notepad.

I don't feel inclined to answer, he taps my knee again. "Ratliff." He hisses. "Age!" His hand comes down with a loud smack to my ribs and the pain it hurts, but I can't scream. My lips won't let me scream.

My lips open with just the answer. "Seventeen." I try not to hiss at him but I do, and he smacks my ribs harder and the pain settles in my mind but I can't scream- my hands twisted in the restrains.

The doctor nods. "Ratliff it will be a lot easier if you just obey. Height and weight."

I close my eyes, and swallow. My mind wants to rebel but I know I shouldn't not yet. "I'm five feet nine inches, and a hundred and ten ponds.

He writes it down then asks. "Any family relations?"

There's no way I'm going to tell him yes to that. My family, I don't want them to go through this. "No. Just me." My throat feels dry; I don't open my eyes and look at him.

"Good." The voice sounds darker and I shiver. That wasn't helping my fears and I want to brake free even more, and I try to struggle with the restrains. My eyes open for a fraction of a second and I see a nurse enter with a needle for blood drawing and I struggle trying to get free, the restrains just tightened painfully around my wrists as I thrash.   
The doctor's hands are cold as he holds my head down and I let a scream finally escape my lips when the needle breaks my skin. I thrash or at least try to; I can feel the needle throb painfully in my skin. I never liked needles; I can feel the doctor's nails dig into my neck drawing blood. A message. Lie still. The needle finally left my skin after what felt like hours of screaming. I felt the leather bound around my wrists slip off with a small thud. I didn't move.

"Bring him to supper. We'll deal with the other tests tomorrow." I didn't like the sound of that, and I got up without a single word, and headed to go to the guard but a stinging made me freeze, I felt the blood drip- the doctor had cut me with the scalpel just nicking the skin on my wrist. "Don't say a word of this to anyone." His voice held a threat. I nodded helplessly, and the guard grabbed me by the arm, and as we walked down the hall I heard a high scream that made my blood run cold. I stayed close to the guard in fear. We walked down endless hallways until we reached some sort of a café.

The guard let me go. It seemed this was the only place we were free to roam without them. I grabbed whatever for food. It didn't matter it was food. My eyes began to notice however the different uniforms in this place, blue, white like my own, off grey and scarlet. I tried to find a place to sit, anywhere. Then I saw him again- my roommate. I figured that would be the best place to go.

His eyes looked up for a fraction of a second- was that concern in them? I sat down not speaking, just eating; beside Adam was a girl in a scarlet uniform. Her blue eyes hid her emotions from people; her red hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She wasn't speaking, she looked lost worried about someone. Adam was eating only a little he seemed lost in thought, before he spoke in a very quiet whisper. The girl looked at him like he was mad.

"What happened to you?"His voice was quiet way to quiet.

"I'm fine." I answered, although I felt sick to my stomach.

"What did they do to you?" His voice seemed to rise but not enough so the guards could hear him.

I went on eating not speaking, I looked up however when I heard the girl gasp. A teen maybe a year younger than me sat down, his eyes brown and his hair brown. Blood trickled down a gash on his forehead. I could hear Adam swear very clearly. "Son of a bitch. Kris who the hell did this to you?" His voice has risen and a guard began to walk over.

"Adam don't. Don't worry about me."Kris said wiping his forehead on his uniform, then began to eat.

"Kris. How can I not worry? You have a gash on your forehead. They"-

A guard tapped his shoulder. "Lambert. Come with us."

"No." It was the last thing I heard from him, before I was being taken back to my room- our room. I could just remember him struggling, kicking the guard as I left trying to break free of his hold as I left and I couldn't help to stare at the door waiting for him to get thrown back.

My eyes locked on the door waiting that night for him to get back, and while my mind knew that deep down something was going to be terribly wrong when he did get back.


	3. Chapter Three: Expect An Answer

"No!" I don't want to go. I know I shouldn't have asked Kris about it now. I know I should have explained a little better to Tommy. God… He's in for hell; and now he's watching me being dragged away. His eyes are so wide that it makes my heart leap to my throat and I tug out of the arms of the guards holding me back. Someone's hand hits the back of my head and I stop struggling. Everything's spinning and sounding funny. Fuck these guards.

My eyelids droop, and I see the floor sliding under my feet. I'm limp. They're pulling me like I'm a fucking rag doll down this hallway, through several sets of double doors. So many doors, so many turns and hallways. My head is spinning still, but it's getting clearer now and I have no idea where I'm at anymore. You'd think I'd know this place through and through, living here for a year now. But I don't. Hell, Allison's been here longer than me and even she doesn't know the entire layout. It's like everything changes to keep us from getting too familiar. Not that it matters for me anyway. I suck with directions.

I'm pulled into a small room; there's a gurney in the center, bolted to the floor, leather straps criss-crossing it. Counters of needles, bottles, vials, scalpels, scissors, gauze, cotton balls, peroxide, anything and everything. An overhead light is the only thing lit and there is a man with his back to me. "Strip his shirt, then strap him in, face down." The man says, writing on a clipboard. The guards pull my shirt off over my head, tossing it aside. Lifted easily, my chest slams again the cold, metal frame as they strap my wrists at my sides, tying me down at my lower back and my legs, crossing one strap at the back of my neck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Leave us." I swallow the lump in my throat as the guards leave, slamming the door shut behind them. My face is pressed into a thin pillow and I turn it to the side so I can breathe a little easier. I glance up at the man; his hair is a dark brown, somewhat short. Almost like Kris; cut, but a little longer, shaggier. He's young. I know him too; I'd recognize the stubble and cool blue eyes anywhere. He smiles slightly at me, leaning against the counter, the clipboard tucked on his arm, the edge digging into his clothed hip.

"Adam. What did you do this time?" He asks me, taunting in his eyes. I swallow again, looking away from him. I've seen many things in those eyes of his, and taunting is perhaps my least favorite of all of them. I clench my jaw, not wanting to talk to him, not wanting to look at him. He stands straight, and crosses the half step towards me, before crouching down, his eyes at my level. I bite down on my bottom lip, shifting my gaze to his, and I shiver. He grins, his eyes still taunting me.

"Adam— tell me. What did you do?" His voice is low, and I clench his jaw so tightly that I can hear my teeth cracking. But still, I don't speak. He sighs heavily, and stands, turning away from me.

"You know, Adam, I am usually a patient man. But when I ask a specific question directed to you, I expect an answer." My heart is pounding against the metal work of the gurney, and my body is turning cold. I don't like the tone in his voice; it's nothing like I've heard from him before. And I've heard a lot of things from him.

"And when you don't supply me with that answer, I lose my patience." He continues, his voice slipping into dark. My body tenses, and I breathe hard. There's shuffling of objects and he sounds as if he's putting something on his hands. I try to relax, but I just can't help it.

"Adam, do you know what happens… when I lose my patience?" His voice is even lower now, softer, crueler. I' m shaking on the gurney and my neck is hurting like a bitch on a bitch boat. He places something above me; I know. I can see the shadow on the floor. It's a box like shape on a pole, and it's right above my shoulders and mid back. "Well, I do things that could be considered a little unnecessary. And had you simply answered my question," he lowers the box closer to me, his hand placed on the back, "things would have been a lot easier, and a hell of a lot less painful." He flips a switch, and blinding light pours over the concrete floor. In seconds, my skin goes from cool, to warm, to hot, to blistering, to downright burning.

I unclench my jaw and I start screaming. Fuck, it hurts! Make it fucking stop!! I hear a faint click, and it feels as if the burning is even more intense. I can almost hear my skin sizzling and burning down into my bones. It sure as hell feels like it. My hands clench into fists and I try to arch my back awake, but it doesn't work. The heat is spreading down to my lower back and touching my neck. Sweat is pouring off of my face into the pillow and my voice is cracking repeatedly from my screams. I press my face firmly into the pillow, trying to keep myself as far from the lamp as possible. I'm shaking all over and the heat is spreading to my entire body, my heart is thrashing in my chest and the world seems to be spinning around me.

The whir of the lamp ceases, and old wheels screech against the concrete wrong. My skin is still on fire, but it's not continuous now. He sighs heavily and out of my blurred, spinning vision, I can see him grabbing a spray bottle of peroxide and a package of gauze. My breathing short and sweat stings my eyes. He sprays the clear liquid onto several long strips, before turning back towards me, setting the strips carefully on my back. It stings like a motherfucker, and I hiss aloud, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Peroxide mixing with the skin. Congratulations, Adam, you've survived a third degree burn. How do you feel?" I inhale sharply, trying to block out the stings.

"Fuck… you…" I hiss at him, and he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"Now, now, Adam. I can be a lot crueler, and you know that." He leans down, his mouth close to my ear, and I shy away from his briefly. He sighs, and the heel of his palm slams into the top of the burn. I scream into the pillow, tears welling up and spilling from my eyes as I choke, coughing and trying so hard to keep from weeping in front of him. He doesn't deserve my tears, but sometimes it's unavoidable. His hand lets up a little.

"Are you going to be a good boy for me, Adam?" He whispers into my ear, his breath hot, tickling the lobe. I gnaw on my bottom lip again, and he applies pressure little by little. I groan into the pillow again, more tears streaming down my face.

"Are you?" I choke.

"Yes…"

"Say my name with that pretty little word, Adam." He growls, and I choke on another breath.

"Yes… Drake." I can feel him smiling against my ear, and I want to push him away, but I can't. I'm strapped to a fucking metal table with blistering burns on my back and shoulders.

"Good." He kisses my cheek, and I feel filthy. I want him to stop touching me. I want to just run out of here right now and ignore this. But I can't. Not yet. He places a few more peroxide strips on my burns; I lose count of how many he's placed. Medical tape holds down the edges, and I can barely move a muscle. He rips the leather straps off of me, and repositions me so I can sit up.

"Up we go, babyboy." I cringe at the nickname he's got for me. I was his baby once. When all of this first began and he was actually a good person. But I can't remember the last time Drake was a good, honest person. He walks around me and bends down, grabbing my shirt off of the floor. He tosses it to me before returning to the counter. How can he act so fucking casual? How can I? I slip the shirt back on as easily as I can, but every moment causes me to hiss and groan. I won't be able to move much for a while, I'm sure. I slide off of the gurney, amazed that I can stand and walk without crumpling. Everything aches and I want to die. This isn't the first time though. It's never the first time. It's not the worst crime, either. Drake comes up behind me, placing his hands on my upper arms. I shiver and jump away from his touch, and his hands wrap tighter around me.

"Don't you dare shy away from me. And don't you dare say a word about any of this." He hisses at me, his lips pressing into my ear. I shiver, trying not to pull away further. He dips his head down and bites down on the side of my neck, sucking hard. I squeeze my eyes shut, and despite the pain I'm feeling and how dirty I feel, I can't help but like it. I can't help but shiver from ecstasy because it just feels so damn good. Fuck.

He pulls his lips away from my neck, and whispers hoarsely into my ear. "Now get out, before I tell them how much of a seductive little fag you are." He opens the door and shoves me out, into the hands of the guards who've been waiting outside. They're rough, and grab my shoulders, making me cringe and hiss. They push and shove and make comments about how weak I am.

It's not long before we reach mine and Tommy's room. Shit, Tommy. "Get in there." I don't even realize I'm being shoved forward into the room. Tommy dashes from his bed to keep me from falling; everything hurts. The door slams shut, and the footsteps fade down the hall.

"Fuck— Adam, are you okay? What did they do?" He whispers, but I don't look into his eyes.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I lie.


	4. Chapter Four: Fun For Me

I don't believe him. There's no way, there's plenty of time to talk were here now for the night. I know it. Adam moves flinching as he goes and sits on the bed and I move to sit beside him. I see him wince as he lays his head on his knees. "What did they do?"I whisper softly to him.

He doesn't to meet my eyes and he swallows, and slowly without looking at me lifts off his shirt. I feel myself wanting to get sick as he turns his back at me. I hold back my gag reflex staring at medical tape and I feel sick.

"Who did this to you?" I've seen that before, burns I've seen them before Monte a close friend of mine had burns of the same degree.

I can see his eyes water as he looks away from my gaze. "Adam Who"-

He lets out a cry shaking. "Drake." He whispers breaking down. "Drake." I can't stand the sight of him crying, I pull him into my arms, and wrap my around his waist. I grip one of his hands gently. Adam eyes meet mine in so much pain and he buries his head in my shoulder and I cling onto him as he cries that night. I don't ever want to see him again like this.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I don't know what time it is when we wake back up. I see a sadist smile on a doctor's face at the sleeping Adam, sometime during the night he put his shirt back on and moved. I can see him move to go touch Adam; I get off my bed and go to sit in front of him, the doctor glares at me. "Move Ratliff!" I don't move an inch and he goes to slap me- I have quicker reflexes and punch him before he can land a hit on me.

He lets out a hiss, wiping his nose as it bleeds and roughly pulls me up by my hair and I rank my nails across the open skin. I can feel the pulsing light pain from some of my hair being pulled out. "You little bitch!" He hisses at me tightening his grip on my hair and I bite my lip to keep from whining because it hurts, he slams my head against the wall and my head hits it with a large thump and Adam wakes eyes wide.

I feel blood slip down my forehead. A throbbing pain in my head. "Brad!" The doctor calls, his hand has me pinned against the wall. Another doctor walks in, his grin is demotic it chills me to the core. Brad looks at the other doctor a grin on his face as he sees me.

"You want me to break him?" I can hear a whimper fall from Adam's lips. I thrash against his hold and I get slapped across the face. "None of that." Brad whispers into my ear and my blood runs cold as he pulls me hard by the hair out of the room. No matter how much I struggle his hold doesn't seize. He pulls me past a set of double doors and I can't read the writing on it.

He throws me onto the floor as he locks the door behind me. "You can either do this my way or your way." He says to me and I struggle to get off the floor, I know there are going to be bruises.

"If I chose my way?" I say quietly.

"More fun for me." Before I can even blink my head smashes against the mental table and he hauls me up by the wrists throwing me onto the table, on my back, he secures my wrists and legs down and any squirming I do causes them to get tighter. Brad grins at me- almost a taunt. "Comfy?" His voice is sinister and it makes my skin crawl.

I see a tray nearby and I cringe. Chemicals, Ammonia, Dichloromethane, and Chloromethane, I wished I paid more attention in my chemistry class. "Now Tommy. Why did you lose your temper?" Brad asked I could hear him opening a cap. He was wearing a special type of gloves, I didn't answer him.

"Well Tommy? Why?" Then I felt something burn my skin. It burned for brief seconds then went to a numbing sensation, a throbbing pain lingered it the spot followed by another and another. I bit my lip drawing blood. It stung and it was a never ending pain but not enough to bother me. Brad sighed and opened another bottle. I saw a glint of a scalpel. "This is your last chance Tommy." His voice had gone cold and made me squirm.

Then I felt it the scalpel cut across my skin making a red line. Then my mind couldn't tell what anything was anymore. A liquid dripped into the wound and my body bucked, I felt the skin burning, I could feel it eating away at my skin, my nails gripped the metal table helplessly and I screamed. The acid was eating my skin. I could feel it eating away at every tissue, every part of skin exposed inside the cut.I felt the scalpel cut against the underside of my nipple and an overdose of the liquid was thrown into the cut and I screamed. My voice cracked. Brad began laughing at my screams; I was thrashing underneath the restrains screaming, wanting the pain to stop. Anything to make the pain go away.

"Are you going to be a good boy?" He asked me after what seemed to be hours of screaming, everything hurt. I couldn't move so many burns.

"Yes." I breathed my head falling against the table, I couldn't move. Everything ached. I felt a nip against my ear and knew what he was going to do before it happened.

"No." I whispered. "Please no." I whispered.

A cruel smirk was the response, as he sharply bit down on my lip drawing blood and I screamed- even as he gagged me. I screamed, hands straining against the restrains as he ripped my soul in half. I felt so violated so dirty. I was begging him to stop, begging him. I was crying, begging, I would do anything to get him to stop anything. By time he was done, I felt dead. Numb, everything hurt. In my nude form I could feel the marks that would haunt me. "Get up."

I moved and slide myself off the table he handed me my clothing."Don't let another incident happen again. We wouldn't want to scar that pretty face of yours would we? Get out of my sight." I bolted out of the room with a guard tears stinging on the way back.

I couldn't find my words to speak as Adam's frantic whispers asked me what was wrong. I just couldn't.

That night I curled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep. The damage had been done even though I could feel his small hands trying to comfort me I pushed them away, afraid and lost in the dark.


	5. Chapter Five: You Didn't Listen

I try not to dream, and I'm successful. But what I wake up to is a nightmare that I never wanted to imagine.

Drake's nose is bleeding all over his coat, and he's holding Tommy by the hair, bashing his skull into a wall. I sit up quickly, only to regret it as my back throbs with a painful burning that reminds me of what's happened. I cringe and crawl to my knees, wishing I could help Tommy, but I can't. I can't move because I'm frozen to my spot, watching Tommy's head hit the wall once more. I can't talk or scream as Drake calls for someone else. Brad. I've heard that name before, but I can't place a face to said name. At least, I can't until he walks in, and then I want to vomit on the floor.

"No…" I whimper. Brad can't… He says he's going to break Tommy. No, no he can't! Not Tommy! He doesn't deserve this! Take me! _ Please, take me, not Tommy!_ I want to shout at them, but I can't find my voice. I see the fear in Tommy's eyes as he slaps at Brad before being pulled out of the room by his hair. His beautiful blond hair. Tommy. No. Tommy… Not _ Tommy, not Tommy… _ I repeat in my head, staring at the empty doorway.

Drake turns to me, blood flowing from his nose as he stares coldly at me. He crosses to me in one quick stride, grabbing me by the back of my head, dragging me off of my bed. I scream in pain as I feel hairs being ripped from my skull. Just like Tommy, I'm being dragged out of the room. But as Drake pulls me to the right, I see Tommy being dragged down the left side of the hall. I choke, reaching out to him. "TOMMY!" I scream his name, trying to break out of Drakes grasp, but the brunette holds me firm in the otherwise silent hallway. Tommy's fighting, screaming and kicking and he's getting farther away from me until he disappears all together.

"TOMMY!!" I scream again as Drake pulls me through a set of double doors and turning left down a different hallway. I keep screaming his name, hoping that he can still hear me even as Drake throws me into a room different from the one I'd been in earlier. He slams the door shut and locks it tight, before whipping around and glaring coldly at me. I'm shivering and crouching by the leg of the metal table bolted to the floor. His eyes are burning with a cold fire and he bends down, grabbing me by the hair again and dragging me towards a large sink. He turns on the water, and I watch it slosh and rise slowly. His nails dig into my scalp and I squirm as he rips my shirt off of me.

"You're going to pay for telling him." He hisses in my ear, shutting off the water. It's sloshing over the rim a little bit, and he shoves my face into the iciness. I'm not given enough time to breathe, and I thrash against him and the sink, trying to pull out of the water. He pulls me up and I cough, sputtering, before he pushes me under again. I thrash, more violent than the first time as the cold water stings my eyes and burns my nose. It's getting into my lungs and Drake pulls me up, throwing me back down into the darkness. It's getting harder to resist as I can't breathe. Water pools against my neck and slides down my back, setting alight my burns and making them bleed again. I scream into the water, bubbles rising to the surface around my head.

Drake pulls me out again, holding me by the back of my head before grabbing a large bowl from the counter, dipping it into the water. He fills it quickly and turns on me, dumping the water down my body, soaking me through and through. Water falls off my fingers and my hair onto the floor, sliding down the drain as he shoves me onto the table, face up. The pain is forming stars in my vision and I'm screaming so loudly that I'm making myself deaf. He straps me down to the table, grabbing a few cords with adhesive circles on them. He sticks them down onto me, before reaching up and holding a switch between his fingers on a small black box nailed to the wall. He flicks the switch down one level.

The generator sends an electric charge through my body, no stronger than a static electricity jolt. But because my body is wet, and I'm on a metal table, it feels ten times worse than it actually is. My body jerks violently, and I choke, but I can't scream. My breath is short, and the charges come one pulse per two seconds. My eyes are rolling into the back of my head as the charges surge through me, one after the other like massive bites all over my body. My back on several occasions lifts and slams into the metal, causing more damage to the burns and making my head spin from blood loss. My hands twitch at my sides, curling into fists and uncurling again. Everything's spinning and burning and hurting and I want to die.

The jolts stop coming, but my body is still jerking. It's the water and the metal. The worst combination with electricity. How am I still alive? Why am I still alive? I'm coughing out water and shaking, and Drake's got the look of pure evil on his face. Like he's not done with me yet. And this thought scares me, because I don't know of anything else he can do to me that doesn't result in my death. He rips the adhesive circles off of me and tosses them aside, hovering above me as he speaks in a low, deathly voice.

"I told you I could be crueler. I told you, but you didn't listen to me. You refused to listen, and you told that little Ratliff bitch." He hisses, his spit hitting my face and making me cringe. Despite my shaking and my pain, I clench my jaw and I keep quiet. I don't want to talk to him anymore. I don't want to be around him. But there's something in his eyes that makes me afraid. More afraid than I've ever felt. Drake smiles slightly, his eyes sparkling.

"In fact, I envy the bitch. If I'm not mistaken, Brad's giving him an extra special treatment tonight." He says, standing straight. My eyes widen and I right against the restraints. No!! I need to— Tommy! I need to save him. I need to…

"Oh? What's this, Adam? Do you care for the little bitch?" Drake sneers down at me, his face lowering so it's mere inches from mine. His breath is rank to my senses and I fight a gag. His hand comes up and grabs me by the throat, squeezing whatever air I had out. I choke.

"Should I let Brad know? I'm sure he'd love to play with you too. He's being extra careful, I promise." I cough.

"Please…" I manage to whisper through his hold. Drake blinks, letting up a little bit. My plea intrigues him, and he smiles again.

"Please, what?" I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, before reopening. Maybe there was some hope that if I shut my eyes for a moment, everything would be different. That I wouldn't be here. But such hope fails me, and I look back up into Drake's eyes.

"Do whatever you want to me… Just don't let Brad hurt him…" I whimper. The gleam in Drake's eyes goes from taunting to shock, to realization, back to taunting. He smiles, his fingers sliding up along my neck and over my left ear, and he combs my hair out of my face. His smile makes me want to punch him, but I can't. I'm still strapped in, incapable of moving. His breath tickles the side of my neck and the tops of my shoulders. I shiver as he chuckles, planting a soft kiss to the underside of my jaw.

"Alright. I swear on my life, I will not let Brad hurt him on the condition that you…" he kisses my chin, sliding up onto the table, hovering over me. "…belong…" His lips grace my right cheek. "…to…" Then my left cheek; his hips are resting on mine. "Me." His mouth slams over mine, his tongue splitting the seam of my lips and diving down my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut, but I kiss him back. I have to, to keep Tommy safe from exactly this kind of cruelty. This abuse. This torture. He's so young; he doesn't need to suffer the way the rest of us have. Maybe this is the part of me that liked him talking, despite only knowing him two days (or was it still only one?). Whatever the circumstance, I need to keep him safe.

Tears slide down my face as he fumbles with the straps of leather, undoing them and then attacking my pants. I keep my eyes closed as he strips me down from everything that I have until I'm bare and exposed. I don't think. I don't speak. Not coherently, at least. But I scream. I scream because it's the most excruciating thing I've ever felt. Worse than the electric shocks. Worse than the burns. Worse than the beatings. It's all over that rolled into one kind of pain that I knew I would never forget. The scars of this would remain with me for as long as I live, however long that might actually be.

I have to tell myself, over and over, that this is for the best. I'm suffering this and, with Drake's word, Tommy is safe. Tommy is safe. He has to be safe. But I'm afraid, for every time I would stop screaming, I could hear someone else, some distance away, suffering. I pray that it's not Tommy. I have to. I have to pray on my knees that it's not Tommy. Anyone else. No. It's not Tommy… It's just the echoes of my screams, flying down the hallways. It's just me.

When he's done, I feel filthier than ever before. It's not like I haven't done this with him before. I've done it many times. But before, at the time, it felt like it meant something. I didn't know of the cruelty then. And Drake had been so nice. So protective and honest. He'd promised me safety and care, something that none of the others did. He promised me everything. And I had destroyed that when I gave him an honest side. I destroyed my happiness when I said three fated words. And what I've neglected, or perhaps refused, to realize is that I've always belonged to him. Since the first day I met him, I was his. But tonight…

He kisses me again, none too gently, and pulls out of me, stumbling to the floor and gathering his clothes, tugging them back on. I lie still, staring up at the ceiling, wishing that it would cave in and kill me. And with death, I wish that Tommy be protected. I wish that he been guarded by God, because he doesn't deserve this. I wish and I pray that whatever Brad may be doing to him is nothing like this. That it's something less… Destroying of the soul. More tears slide down my face as Drake grabs my hands and tugs me up into a sitting position, handing me my clothes. "Get dressed, baby. I'll escort you personally back to your room." He says with a smirk, and I dress slowly. My bandages for my back are pretty much ruined at this point, from the water and the electricity. But Drake doesn't bother with them and I don't ask. Let them be infected. Maybe I'll die faster.

When I'm dressed, Drake opens the door and motions for me to leave first. I shuffle out, slow and stiff at first, but eventually my walking gets better. The trip back seems like it takes eternity and Drake grabs my wrist before I retreat to the room. He spins me around and kisses me, hard and rough, before shoving me into my room. The door slams shut. I stare at it for a moment, before back tracking and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

I stay awake, waiting for Tommy to come back. And it feels as if hours have gone by before he does. The door slams shut and he is standing still in the middle of the room at first, before he retreats to his bed. "Tommy? What's wrong, what did he do?" I ask him. But the look on his face, the way he's drawn back, I have a tormenting feeling in my gut. No… Drake promised… No. He's fine. He's just tired, he's shook up. I don't blame him; we were all like that once upon a time.

Tommy doesn't answer me. He curls up and turns away from me. It's too dark to see him very well, but I know this room. I slip off of my bed and shuffle over to him, my fingers stroking his hair as I sit beside him. But he seems to be ignoring me. Like he's pushing me away. I frown, swallowing the lump in my throat, not wanting to believe but knowing all the same. Tommy… Poor Tommy… My Tommy…


	6. Chapter Six: Not Coming Back

It's been two weeks. I find myself distanced from the rest of them at the table. Two weeks since that night, the night that killed me as a whole. I haven't spoken. There's no reason to in my eyes, it only brings more pain. Brad sees me regularly and I request to be gagged. I don't want to hear my screams echo off the walls but when I do I scream until my throat is hoarse and I can't scream anymore.

Brad likes me. He likes hearing me scream, but he never lets me get infected. He lets me heal then does more damage. Right now he's letting me heal after the last incident of mine. I have so many scars and I haven't been here that long. I can't remember what it's like to be outside, to even live without being afraid. Brad's made me promises of letting me outside if I'm good. If he thinks I'm good.

I munch on what's left of my food as I stare into the emptiness of people's pain filled eyes, some hide it some don't. I've seen teens as young as twelve with scars ten times as worse as mine. I don't pay much attention to them; I don't want to think about them. "Tommy?" Adam whispers.

I don't want to look at him. I can't. Brad's told me things, what he's doing so I don't get hurt. I don't want him to care about me. I don't want him to die because of me. I hear my name called and not by Adam this time. It's Brad. Time for me to go. I get up automatically meeting him by the door, a grin on his face he walks me out the door. There are no guards with us; I'm not going to run. I've learned that Brad is much more than what he is- he caught me the last time I tried to run from him.

I see Allison walk by with a split lip; she glances at me before walking to supper. Brad leads me down the hall and we past administration, I see Drake look up for a brief second and restrain my anger as he chats with Brad.   
He says to me. "You're a lucky little bitch Ratliff today." I don't say a word. I just look at Brad. He walks outside a door and I follow him.

It's been so long. Sunlight hits my pale frame, I'm a mess probably even with the showers they let us have. I see a sign that says Northam Manor Psychiatric Hospital. Brad faces me. "You are free to walk around La. We're not far from it just on the outskirts. Don't try to run away. When you're done come back here, someone will find you if you're not back before nightfall." Brad bites my shoulder and I want to scream but know far better when were in the open. He hands a hundred dollar and turns down the street, I follow him until we reach La. He vanishes into a sea of people. I know where I am.

I need to find Monte, or Lisa. I feel out of place on the streets of La after being in the ward so long, I walk down a familiar street and spot what I'm looking for. Skingraft. I walk into the store and stare at the person at the counter. "Can I help you?"

My voice cracks when I speak. "Is Cassidy Haley here?"

The person calls into the backroom. I hear Cassidy's comforting voice. One that I missed so much, I knew him before the ward. He was a friend of the family. "Yeah go ahead, he's in the backroom." I walk behind the counter and into the room in back and up a set of stairs.

Cassidy is staring out the window when he turns and hears me. His eyes widen and fill with tears.

"Tommy? Tommy! You're alive!" I don't know what to say as I'm pulled into his comforting arms, I want to tell him everything, but I'm scared they'll find out and hurt me. Hurt me so much. I want to breakdown, I want to cry. I've been in so much pain these last few weeks. I feel tears slip down my face and Cassidy lets out a breath. "Glitterbaby, what's wrong?" He whispers, and when I look him in the eyes I know there is so much hurt in my eyes that makes him shiver and gasp pulling me tighter in his arms.

"Baby I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispers against my temple. I cry harder sobbing into his neck. I try to calm my breathing but I can't stop shaking. In the small freedom I have it hurts to pull myself away from Cassidy. If it was Brad I'd be screaming. I shiver, tears falling down my checks. I must look like a wreck.

"Cassidy." I whisper. "Cassidy, I'm not coming back after I show you this." My voice cracks and tears blur my vision. I tug my white shirt off ignoring his gasps as the material slips to the floor. I see Cassidy's eyes widen and I freeze up as he touches my scars.

"Glitterbaby, who"- I choke. I choke. I can't speak it hurts too much to think about what will happen. I move back from his hand throwing on the shirt again and run. I can hear Cassidy behind me, I'm sobbing as I'm running off to the outskirts back to the ward. I catch my breath outside, my eyes staring at the ground.

I look up and see Brad standing there, telling me to go back in. I follow him back inside, horrified, frightened. He drops me off back at my room; Adam's sitting on the bed. As the door slams behind me I try to breathe but fail as I sit on my bed sobbing. I feel Adam's hand touch my face trying to comfort me.

"What happened?"

"He knows. I told him. Someone knows, someone I know, they know I'm alive." I whisper and then I hear it and it makes my blood run cold. Drake's voice.

The door opens and I don't want to look at him, I focus on Adam's eyes only Adam's. I hear Brad beside him. I'm frozen and I see fear reflect in Adam's eyes. Brad walks over to Adam pulling him up by the hair, and Adam lets a cry of pain leave his lips. He begins to pull him over to Drake but I get up and stop in front of him. "Move Ratliff." He hisses.

I don't move he slaps me; I don't flinch at the impact. A hand pulls me by my blonde hair. "Listen you bitch." Drake sneers at me, and grabs a handful of hair his nails digging into my scalp and pulls me out the door Adam with Brad close behind us. I struggle against his hold, a painful stinging in my scalp. I'm thrown roughly onto the floor in a room, and my skull bashes against the floor. I hear Adam choke back a whimper struggling in Brad's hold. "You should listen when someone tells you to do something." He slams my head against the metal of the table. It hurts, it fucking hurts.

From the corner of my brown eyes I can see Adam's struggles increase to try to get to me. "Leave him alone!" He screams. "Leave him alone!" Drake slaps him across the face, and I look away. I can't look at him.

"Drake look at the little bitch. He doesn't like it." Brad taunts as I hear another slap echo across Adam's face. I close my eyes trying to block it out.

I hear Brad curse followed by a slam followed by a cry of pain. Adam's on the floor, his forehead has a cut on it. "You whore. You bit me." He hisses at Adam. He grabs him by the hair, and Adam lets out a small cry and I want to run, Drake holds me still.

He whispers into my ear. "Bitch this is what happens when you tell. You don't tell secrets." His breath hits my ear and I squirm as his nails dig against my skin in a warning. I can see Adam backed into a corner kicking at Brad, Brad moves grabbing Adam's hand and bending it backwards, I can hear the sickening crack of his finger I want to kill Brad right now as I hear Adam scream, his finger protruding at odd angles.

I thrash against Drakes hold as Adam whimpers in the corner- and Brad keeps bending the broken finger back further and Adam screams like hell. It makes my blood run cold, I'm shaking. "Stop it! Stop it!" I scream helplessly held back by Drake. Adam lets out a high pitched scream as I heard another sickening crack; Adam falls against the wall screaming. Tears dripping, from his eyes and his voice is cracking from his high screams.

I can see the crimson color stain though his shirt, and I desperately try to break free but Drake holds me tighter. Brad whispers something to Adam kicking him hard in his ribs and Adam lets out a scream so loud that I never want to hear from him again. He coughs roughly, and hacks up a clot of blood, tears stinging his vision. "Let him go!" I scream. It hurts so much. I don't want to see him like this. It's killing me.

Tears sting at my vision and I can feel Drake laughing at his pain. Drake whispers at my ear. "He can't love you Ratliff. He was never yours." He whispers against my skin and I don't want to listen. I don't want to see this.

"Let him go! Let him go. Don't do this to him." My shouts are desperate. It's hurting me so much to see him like this.

I turn my head towards Drake. "I'll do anything just don't hurt him anymore." Drake laughs at my begging.

"You can't do anything to help him." He whispers against my skin, and I feel sick as I hear another high pitched scream echo off his lips and Adam's skull hits the wall and hits the floor, his body lays on the floor blood staining his lips as Brad walks over towards me. Drake holds me tighter as Brad stands in front of my distressed form.

"Beat and tell again and next time your pretty boy there will watch as I mangle your body until you can't scream anymore. You tell anyone what I do to you and pretty boy here will watch as you scream yourself into darkness." Brad smacks me with a loud crack of his skin hitting my flesh. I let out a cry and nod, just let me help him. Please. I don't dare think those thoughts out loud. Drake lets go of my arms and walks over to Adam's body.

"Such a pretty slut." He whispers to Adam and I can see his tears.

Brad grabs my hand and with a simple movement he pulls my fingers back on my left hand and break them all and I scream in agony at the pain. "Go fix them. You know how. Drake will take care of your precious pretty boy."Brad says smirking at my pain.

I walk with him and down the hall to get the gauze the pain blocking nothing. I'm haunted by Adam's screams ringing in my ears and as I'm thrown back in that room with bandaged fingers I can't help but to cry. I cry because the memory of his screams refuses to fade and I'm haunted by the screams and as I fall asleep without him in the room but I can't help but think the nightmares have just begun.


	7. Chapter Seven: He'll Be Begging

"This could have been avoided if you hadn't gone off touching that bitch. You're nothing but a slut. Isn't that right?" Brad sneers at me as he walks back into the room. He's come back from escorting Tommy away. My heart pounds in my chest as I stare up them both. Tommy's gone. He's gone, and his fingers are broken. He's broken and I know he's suffered worse, I can see it in his eyes day in and day out. Fuck! Drake said he would make sure Tommy was safe!! That he would make sure nothing happened to him! He promised me! He promised me after I sold myself to him, and now I realize it's all a big lie. It was just to raise my hopes and then shut me down. Two weeks I've been suffering bruises, bites, scratches, and the emptiness of Drake's sex. Two weeks, and it's all for nothing.

'_ I'm so sorry, Tommy…'_ I think to myself as Brad grabs me by the hair, ripping strands out and making me scream. He starts to laugh as I scream some more, tears rolling down my face as my back spazzes from the kicks and the still-healing burns that Drake gave me. There's a scraping of metal against concrete and I'm thrown into a chair with leather arm rests. Drake holds me down into it as Brad ties my wrists and my ankles securely to the frame. I thrash against the holds, trying to break out of them. I don't listen to the voice of knowledge in the back of my head that tells me I can't rip leather apart like this.

Brad is standing in front of me with his hands on his hips, his eyes gleaming with sinister planning. And that's the last thing I see before Drake ties a blindfold over my eyes. I try to pull away from him, but someone slaps me, and the fold is tightened around my skull. I whimper, breathing hard as I try to figure out who might be where. But they're walking around, making noises by banging into things and hitting the counters. I can't tell where they are anymore. There's a shuffling of feet and their laughter ringing in my ears. My skin crawls and a tremble racks its way up my spine. Oh God, oh God…

"It won't hurt much, I promise." Brad hisses right into my ear. I jerk away from him, and he laughs. I used to think that they were a nightmare before, but now that I can't see them, it's even worse. They're laughing so maniacally that it's making me whimper aloud and I feel like a child afraid of the dark. In this instance, though, that's exactly what I am. I'm a child, surrounded by shadows and laughter. Tears soak into the fold, some manage to slip under and roll down my face.

"Crying already, slut?" Drake hisses, his breath hitting my cheeks. I lean away, my bottom lip trembling, my hands clenching and unclenching. I have to fight the urge to scream at my broken fingers. The leather is beginning to cut off the circulation to my hands, and I hear Brad chuckling low and dark under his breath. I twitch, feeling someone grabbing my fist and uncurling the fingers that aren't broken. I try to pull them away, but the leather forbids me, and I feel a sort of powder being sprinkled heavily on the digits. What is he—

Liquid hits the powder, and I start screaming bloody murder. They're both laughing as more powder is sprinkled over my pulsing, burning hand and my throat is aching violently. Tears stream and soak; I'm shaking like a motherfucker and I _ can't stop screaming._ I can hear my skin sizzling, the acids burning down into the under layers and muscles of skin. Fuck, it feels like it's hitting my bones. There is no relief, and the burn continues. The powder hits my other hand, and the pain flares there too.

"Yes…" Brad whispers in my ear, his hands curling over my shoulders, his nails digging into the skin. I bite down on my bottom lip, tearing it open a little as I scream more. "Keep screaming, babyboy. He'll never hear your cries. He'll be screaming for us to stop hurting you. He'll be begging, and you'll keep screaming until you can't breathe." I choke, groaning loudly and crying out as someone, perhaps Drake, rips open the front of my shirt and smears the powder over my sweaty chest. He doesn't need to pour anything on me. It reacts instantly and my body tenses. Everything's burning and I can't see who's doing this to me.

No matter how much I try to tough everything out and survive, I can't take this. I want to be away from here, curled up safe, warm, and healed from this mess, this fucking nightmare. But I can barely remember the last time that I didn't live in fear. I think back to when Tommy first came. All this started when I had the outburst over Kris' wound. Fuck… Kris. Allison… I haven't seen them lately, and I wonder if they're okay. I have to hope that they're okay. They have to be. They have to be alive. They have to…

Eventually the burning ceases to dull aches. I'm shivering and whimpering, but I don't scream anymore. I can barely breathe and everything just hurts. I feel fingers fumbling with the knot of the blind fold, tearing it away from my eyes. I blink several times, trying to see. Someone's fingers lace into the locks of my hair, pulling my head back. I stare up through a veil of fuzziness at their sneering faces. I shiver, my eyes growing wide as I breathe hard, trying to prepare myself for whatever they're going to do. But I don't prepare, because I cannot comprehend what they might do.

"Tsk, tsk. What a pretty little face you have. Such a shame you've been a bad boy and we have to scar it up." Drake whispers, his eyes showing no compassion, no care, nothing that I once believed he had for me. Nothing. Just malice and hatred. Brad smirks down at me.

"Too bad you won't be able to see your new face." He says his hand lifting. He's holding a vial of blue liquid, and he tilts it, the contents splashing over my eyes, burning them instantly. My eyes squeeze shut. Searing hot pains pulse and I whip my head up, screaming and crying. But crying makes it worse. It burns sliding down my face, whatever chemicals they've used trailing down my skin. It doesn't hurt nearly as bad, but I grit my teeth and scream so loudly that it bounces off the walls and deafens me temporarily.

"Listen to him scream! It makes me want to dance." Brad says in a mocking voice. Drake laughs as I shake in my seat. I blink several times, trying to see… but I can't. It's dark even when I open my eyes wide, and I know the light are still on. I can feel the heat of them. I can feel the agony of my mutilated skin and I can feel the burning of my own soul. I once thought I could trust Drake. And now that trust was obliterated._'If not for Tommy, Kris, and Allison… I would be begging them to just kill me already…'_ I think to myself, grimly, tears streaming down my face, relentless and excessive. I choke on a breath, and when nails streak across my chest, I scream again.

"Scream, Adam. Scream all you want. No one will save your pathetic, little faggot ass. No one will hear your screams. He will, and he'll beg us to stop, but we won't. We want to hear you scream, babyboy. We want you to scream." Brad's standing in front of me, and judging by where his voice is coming from, I raise my head slowly, and even with my useless eyes, I glare at him. I hear him shuffle, a breath passing from his lips.

"I thought you said he wouldn't be able to see, Drake." Brad snarls, and I feel a smile creeping at my lips. So, my attempt was effective after all.

"He can't. Look again, there's film over his eyes." Drake says. He's behind me.

"Then why the fuck did he just look at me?!" There's a pause, and his hand lashes across my face. "Quit smiling!!" I feel my blood beginning to boil and I inhale slowly. I don't want to obey their rules anymore. I don't want to listen. I want to revolt and punch them both in the face, break their bodies as they have broken mine and Tommy's. I want to make them pay. I want to pour acid down their throats and listen to them choke on their own infected blood. With all of these thoughts, my smile widens.

"Fine… If you won't quit smiling, I'll make you quit…" Brad snarls, and there's a shuffle, something metal and sharp scraping on the counter, and I feel his presence in front of me again. His breath is rancid against my face and I open my eyes, staring at where I believe him to be. There's a tip of a blade against my temple, and I bite down on my tongue. I will not scream anymore. The blade digs into my skin, raking down over my cheek and nicking my bottom lip. But I don't scream. I don't make a sound. I stare forward, where his breath is coming from. My hands are curled into fists, the pain from the broken bones and burns rising up in my throat. But I fight.

"Stop smiling!" He digs the blade into the skin above my cheek bone, crossing it down over both of my lips, but still no scream, and I keep smiling. The blade clatters to the floor and he slaps me. Over and over his palm lashes across my face before his fist collides with my mouth. I'm surprised that my teeth aren't knocked out, but I taste a lot more blood.

"That's enough, Brad." Drake hisses, and Brad stops hitting me. Not that it matters anymore, I'm blocking out everything meager at this point. His beatings were nothing compared to the burns… At least there's no more of that.

I blink a few times, breathing hard. Still no sight. Only their voices that seem to be spinning around me. A rough hand covered with a rag wipes my mouth and my face, the restraints being loosened. Drake grabs me by the collar of my shirt, pulling me to my feet. I stand motionless as he leaves me for a moment. I feel his hands wrapping soft fabric around my head, covering my eyes. He grabs me by the back of my shirt again, dragging me out of the room. The halls are silent of voices, and I can only imagine it's still dark outside. People are still sleeping. Lucky them.

We turn several corners before we stop. Drake's unlocking the door. "Enjoy your last night as Tommy's roommate. Tomorrow, you're being separated at dusk." He whispers in my ear, turning my head and slamming his lips against mine for a moment. I don't kiss him back, but I don't shove him away, either.

"Remember, Adam. You belong to me." He says, shoving me into the room. I stumble, fumbling and trying to find anything to grab onto before I fall. My hands find the edge of my bed, and I hold myself upright. My body is shaking as reality dwells upon me. I can't see… I can't see and if this is what they're capable of now, I don't know if I'll survive later.

I hear Tommy gasp, and I shiver. Fuck… "Adam! Adam— what happened to your eyes?" His bare feet make soft pats on the concrete floor and I feel him beside me. "Adam, what have they done to you?" His voice is gentle but concerned, and if I listen hard enough, I can hear fear. His hands guide me to my bed, and he lays me down on my back. My back is stiff from all the tension and abuse it's suffered. I find it hard to breathe. Everything's swarming me at full and tears slip from under the bandage over my eyes. Tommy's hands stroke my hair out of my face and he helps readjust my shirt so that it's a little more modest. I reach my hand up, trying to find him. His hand slips into mine and he guides it to his face. My fingers trail over his cheeks, and I cup him gently, tears still streaming.

"Lay with me." I ask to him without making it a question, my voice cracking lightly. My heart swells painfully and my thumb traces circles into his skin. He eases me a little closer to the wall and slips beside me, his body turned towards mine. I can feel his breath on my neck.

"Thank you." I tell him softly.

"You're welcome, Adam." He whispers back.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't move that night. I can't. It hurts so much to see what those sons of bitches did to him. I can't sleep and neither can Adam. "Tommy." He breathes slowly and I can tell it's hurting him to do so. "They're separating tomorrow night."He whispers, and he let out a small moan of pain.

No they wouldn't. They wouldn't do that too him. They'll kill him. I don't want to think about their reasons it hurts too much. Adam's temporally blind and they are cutting him off from me. They don't want me to interfere. They want to finish what they started before I came here. They kill. They kill people. Now I know what Adam was trying to tell me my first day here. "Try to sleep." I whisper to him, I know he's in so much pain.

"Tommy. I"- I know what he's trying to say. I've fallen for him as he has for me. The pain that cripples us is the fear that we will lose one another. He loves me. That kills us more than anything. He loves me. I love him. It kills us because we see each other in so much pain.

"I love you." I whisper into the air and it makes his breath hitch not just from the pain; my mind hurts more than anything. More than anything I just want this nightmare to end. It's killing us. It's killing our hearts, our souls.

"Tommy-"I look him in his blue eyes unable to see me. I brush my fingers against the scars. My fingers are gentle nothing like theirs.

"Kiss me." I whisper and Adam closes the space between us and my fingers tangle into his hair gently as we kiss. It's soothing more than anything; something we haven't felt in what feels like months to me has been a year to Adam. The touch is something that we want to hold onto forever, the soft contact of our lips. I pull back and bury my face in Adam's shoulder. His arms even though he lets out a small cry of pain wrap around my small form holding me to his body as darkness closes over us both.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I hear the guards banging against the door outside to wake us, the next morning. I feel Adam's comforting arms still around me; it feels so unreal the comfort from that one touch. I don't want to leave him. I can't. I just can't. They open the door, and I shake Adam to wake him. He blinks frightened still unable to see. He undo's his hands from my body, and I help him stand as we both head out the door. Hunger gnaws at my stomach. I cling onto his hand savoring what is left. I don't care about what they think.We reach the café in the morning and I never once leave Adam. I refuse to. I find us a seat and I sit beside him. "Do you want me to help you?" I ask him. He nods and I help him with his food for now and then I see Allison and Kris and almost cry out because it has been so long.

Allison and Kris look healthier like nothing has happened to them. Kris looks worried at Adam's scars and burns. I don't blame him. I don't and I'm not going to be someone's ragdoll anymore. "What happened?" Kris sounds pissed; I don't think I've ever heard him sound like that.

I answer for Adam not risking his safely. "Drake and Brad. The sons of bitches blinded him." I said to him, eating my food, and was feeding Adam at the same time.

"They'll pay. They can rot in hell. They'll pay." Kris's voice has so much venom and loathing in it.

I allow myself to smirk, and Adam intertwines our fingers. The redhead speaks. "Tommy, do you know someone with the last name of Haley?" That catches my attention.

I nod instead of speaking for a good reason, damn guards listening. Allison begins to speak in low tones describing Cassidy. I can't help to smile.

We're walking back to our room; I know what's going to happen before we even reach it. I don't let my hand leave Adam's hand even I see Drake's glare. I've had it with their shit. Brad's eyes give me a look that makes me shiver, but I pull Adam closer to my body. Brad walks over to me pulling by my hair.

"Come with me bitch." I don't let go of Adam, I don't move.

Drake looks ready to hit Adam, and Brad slaps me across the face, I feel blood drip down my lip and ignore it. Then I hear footsteps in the normally quiet hall and I can breathe when I see Cassidy walking down the hall in a doctor's outfit. What a lie. The look in Brad's eyes is untraceable almost a hurt in them for the briefest of seconds.Cassidy's brown eyes look at me, expression unreadable. "They've been switched to my ward." His voice is quiet a sense of comfort I can detect in it.

"Is that so?" Brad's voice is hostile.

Drake eyes him warily. "What ward?"

"Mental. I'm new here." I want to laugh but I know it wouldn't be good if I did. "You mind if I take them?" Cassidy's voice is a whisper.

"Not at all just watch out." Brad and Drake say as they walk down the hall throwing open another ward room.

I don't speak to Adam or Cassidy until we get to the other side of the ward.Cassidy shuts the door behind us and I sit beside Adam. He kneels down, fingers touching over Adam's scars and Adam flinches. "Shh. Baby." I whisper. "He's a friend of mine." Adam still is tense but doesn't cringe.

"Glitterbaby, who did this? How could anyone do this?" Cassidy's voice is pain laced.

"The bitch that caused me breakdown. Cassidy, his body is damaged so much. He's-" Cassidy had removed the bandages from his eyes, Adam's eyes were a faded blue- clouded.

Cassidy frowned. "Tommy this is illegal. There abusing children. This ward shouldn't even exist in these conditions. Why is it even running? They scarred my pretty boy. Fuck Tommy, Monte thinks you died. He's so worried about you." I bit my lip. Monte was worried. Fuck, it had been a month already.

Adam's voice is quiet as he speaks, very quiet. "I was sent a letter in the beginning of this. They made it seem like government work like they were testing to find cures to mental disorders like bipolar, and some other ones. I've been here for a year and four months. They played nice when government officials were watching. My family. My family doesn't even know I'm alive." I could see Adam shaking, and Cassidy's eyes were narrowed.

"Tommy what have they done to you?"Cassidy's voice was low the temper being contained.

I couldn't speak. Adam hadn't even known what had happened fully that day I had been with Brad. It felt hard to breathe and I found it harder not to cry. I swallowed trying to breathe right. My voice could barley be heard when I spoke. "I was raped, burned, cut and mentally tortured." I could feel my wet tears trail down my face; I could hear Adam choke out a sob.

"Glitterbaby. This has to stop. I need to report this, these children shouldn't be here." Cassidy's voice was soft. I look at him and Adam I can see is crying and shaking. I get up and walk in front of him and kneel brushing my fingers against his cheek.

"Shh." I whisper trying to comfort him. Adam reaches up to feel where my body is and pulls me into a tight hug clinging and his frame trembles. More than anything, I miss his eyes. I hate what they've done to him even as I cry. I realize how much this has damaged me, and how much worse it is for Adam. They took his life away from him, left him broken in scarred until he found me.

"Tommy, Can you go back alone? I want to help him. Everything in my heart does. I don't want to lose him; it scares me the thought of losing him. I nod at Cassidy and cup Adam's face gently, for a brief kiss. I feel Adam somewhat relax into the kiss. It lasts only brief seconds.

I say to Cassidy quietly as I move away from Adam. "Hit me."

Cassidy looks at me as if I've gone mad. "Why"-

"Hit me you son of a bitch." Brad and Drake will ask questions if I'm not damaged. I don't feel it when Cassidy smashes my head against the wall drawing blood or even when I'm walked out of the ward away from Adam. I know Cassidy will keep him safe for now.

When I reach my old room I lay on what used to be Adam's bed, his scent still lingers and I close my eyes and fall asleep and I can't help but to wonder if I'm going to still be here tomorrow. In my heart I know Adam is safe and that's what matters more than anything. I fall into a restless sleep, something in my body tells me not to sleep, but I need it.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, I wake to the sounded of my own cracking screaming and Adam's desperate screams, I can't remember much of what happened. It's blurry; I remember Cassidy entering screaming, pissed at Brad before I was lost. I can only remember Drake slamming my head roughly into a table causing so much pain, everything was messed up colors. I was barely aware of anything, only Adam's cries as I faded into darkness.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When I woke up again, I cried. I cried because I hadn't seen Monte in so long. I cried because I finally realized it was over. It was done. They couldn't hurt us anymore, and more than anything I was with my friends again and Adam could never be hurt again.


	9. Chapter Nine: Know The Fear

_'I love you.'_ His words are still whirling around in my head even as I sleep. His kiss still burns on my lips eve as I dream. And I dream so peacefully; something that I haven't had the enjoyment of in months. Tommy's arms are warm around me and I ignore the pain that spreads like fire through my skin. I don't let it bother me as Tommy and I dream. I only think about what life will be like when we're free. I know we're going to make it out of this alive. There's a feeling of hope that rests in my soul that revives it, and I know we're going to be free.

Tommy guides me to the cafeteria so we can eat. It frustrates me that I'm incapable of taking care of myself. I can never consider forgiving Drake for this. If I had to choose between forgiving him and being his bitch or suffering more, I'd gladly suffer more. I'd suffer a thousand burns and cuts; I'd suffer death a thousand times over before I ever let him touch me again.

I hear Kris talking, and he sounds amazing. I can't see, but just by the tone in his voice, the life that I hear, I know he's better. And Allison too. God, they must be amazing right now. When Allison says something about someone named Haley, I feel Tommy shift beside me. She describes him, and I wonder if this is the person that Tommy told. Maybe that's why they're doing so well. Maybe Haley found them. My heart swells, and I take Tommy's hand in mine underneath the table, the joined resting between our thighs.

After we finish eating, Tommy is taking me back to our room. We only have so much time left together, and every passing second is making my heart beat faster, a little more frantic. He holds my hand, reassuring me in a silent fashion that we're going to be okay. But I'm unsure. What if Haley doesn't pull through, what if he doesn't come for us too? I know Tommy has faith in him, I could almost hear him smiling when Allison described him. But…

Tommy's hand tightens in mine, and I wince, breathing deeply. Damn burns. But he's frozen beside me, and I feel a chill sliding down my spine like a cool snake. Tommy is trembling beside me as he pulls me closer, and there's a shift in the atmosphere. My baby hisses and there's someone beside us. I don't have to see or hear them to know exactly who it is, either. I can smell their putrid rage. But it's diluted by my own desires to strangle them to pieces, to watch them burn as we have…

"Come with me, bitch." Brad hisses to Tommy. Tommy doesn't move. He squeezes my hand gently, and I gnaw on the inside of my cheek to keep from whining. It hurts, but I can't show that it still bothers me. Not right now.

Footsteps draw nearer and I hear Brad hitting Tommy. I growl in Brad's direction, glaring at him despite being unable to see him in the slightest. More shuffles, and I hear a soft voice. Someone I don't recognize, but Tommy gives me another squeeze, and I wonder for a moment if it's Haley. The foretold angel. My heart pounds a little faster as Brad hisses at him.

"Is that so?" There's malice in his voice, but I listen harder and there's something that I don't quite understand. I've always known Brad to be full of anger and hate, along with have a raging libido, but as I listen to those three words in my head on repeat, I hear sadness. What kind of a monster feels sadness?

"What ward?" Drake asks, and he's not far from me. I have to wonder why he didn't pull me away. He says I belong to him…

"Mental. I'm new here." Haley says, taking a pause. "Mind if I take them?" Brad and Drake mumble but I don't really pay attention to them. Drake brushes past me, his nails digging into the burns on my hand, but I push him away, biting on my lip to keep from making a sound. I will not. Not anymore.

We wind up somewhere else, I don't know where though. Haley shuts the door and I sit down, Tommy right beside me. I feel hands touching the cuts on my face, pushing my shit aside and I hiss slightly, shaking. I trust Tommy with all of my heart, but I cannot trust who I don't know. Tommy hushes me softly. He says Haley is a friend. I'm still rigid with fear, but I allow him to touch again. Haley examines me a little more, carefully brushing his fingers over my chest and my hands, checking my back as well.

"Glitterbaby, who did this? How could anyone do this?" Haley says, and his voice is pained greatly. Glitterbaby? He's talking to Tommy… Glitterbaby. What was Tommy's life like before this?

Tommy speaks in a soft tone, cutting short as he tries to describe everything. Haley— whose first name, I learn, is Cassidy— presses his fingers to the bandage over my eyes, and he unwraps it slowly. I blink a few times, unable to see still, but I know he's right in front of me.

"Tommy, this is illegal. They're abusing children!" Cassidy says in a hushed, firm voice. He says more, but I don't really pay attention. "Fuck, Tommy. Monte thinks you died." So, Tommy's like me. Someone's at home, wondering and probably thinking the worst… My baby…

Cassidy hands rest gently at the nooks between my shoulders and my neck. I know what he wants to ask. "I was sent a letter in the beginning of this. They made it seem like government work. Like they were testing to find cures to mental disorders such as bipolar issues and some other ones. I've been here for almost a year and a half They played nice when government officials were watching. My family… my family doesn't even know I'm alive." I tell him, and his hands tighten slightly, before he pulls away. My family…

The worst though is when Cassidy asks Tommy what happened. I tense beside him, turning my head, trying to hear him as he speaks. His voice is so soft, but I hear him. Each word, each action, and I imagine it as if I had been there myself, watching… Watching my baby being raped, burned, cut… My baby. I can't stop myself from choking on a pained sob. He's never said a word of this to me… He's never told me.

"Glitterbaby, this has to stop. I need to report this— these children shouldn't be here." Tommy's fingers brush against my cheek. My heart is pounding in my chest. He never told me. I reach forward, feeling his arms and his shoulders as I pull him closer to me, holding him to me despite the burning pain that I'm feeling. I can feel his tears streaming and I bite down on my bottom lip to keep from crying. I don't know what I would have done without him.

"Tommy, can you go back alone? I want to help him…" Cassidy says. Tommy's hands cup my face and he kisses me so tenderly. I want to stay like this with him. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to hear him go. I want to just… hold him, and kiss him, and touch him… But he leaves me before I can pull him in. He leaves before I can give him another kiss, before I can tell him I love him. I hear Tommy shuffle away from me, and I hear the most frightening things I could have ever imagined—

"Hit me." Tommy sounds crazy. I want to pull him back to me and figure out what would possess him, but I'm not even given chance to open my mouth.

"Why—" Cassidy begins.

"Hit me, you son of a bitch." My heart leaps up into my throat, and I want to tear Cassidy limb from limb when I hear the sound of something— someone— hitting a wall. I know Cassidy did it to Tommy. I know Tommy's reasoning. It's Brad and Drake. If Tommy goes back and he's not… I shiver. Fuck.

I don't know if Tommy leaves or not, but I feel warm hands on the sides of my face, a thumb tracing over the cuts on my cheek. I don't flinch or hiss, but my body tensed. My hands clenched and I resisted the urge to groan as the burned skin stretched over my knuckles. Cassidy's hands pause on my face, before slipping off. I frown for a moment, and I hear him shift, warmth washing over me as his lips brush against my forehead. I blink once, wishing to God that I could see…

"I'm so sorry…" Cassidy whispers to me. My head drops a little, and I sigh softly.

"For what? You're not the one who put us in here. You're not the one who's tortured us. You're not the one who's beaten and raped a seventeen or eighteen year old kid who—" Cassidy's finger touches my lips, silencing me. I lift my blank gaze to where I believe him to be.

"What about you? How old are you, Adam?" Cassidy asks. I know my birthday's January twenty-ninth, but I don't remember how old I am… Only how old I was when I left home…

"Fifteen. I might be sixteen now, I don't know… It's been too long." I tell him, trying to remember what month this might be. But I eventually lost track. I count days. Not so much weeks or months, let alone the names of those months. Only days. Cassidy's breath comes out shaky and harsh. I know that he's even more upset now. I don't really think about it anymore, but by my age I'm only a child. And yet… I don't even think about it anymore. I'm mature, grown up in the worst ways.

Cassidy uses various antiseptics and bandages, cleaning me up and telling me that things are going to be okay. When he's not saying anything, he's singing. He has a lovely voice. Cool, rich and haunting. And every song that he sings, it's like a brand new story, but when he pieces them together in strings, it ties together so beautifully. After a while, he places his hands on both sides of my face, and I feel his minty breath on my cheeks.

"Your eyes are still filmy— like someone took water, added bright blue dye and then milk, making it cloudy— but…" he trails off, tilting my head back and holding my eyes open. I know what he's going to do, and I cooperate, though the liquid that drops in makes my eyes feel like sand has blasted into them. "I'm no supreme specialist, but, even before the eye drops, there were a few spots where the film isn't so intense. It almost looks as if it's clearing up." I can almost hear his smile.

"What does that mean?" I ask him. His hands don't leave my face, and he's silent for a moment. I'm about to ask him again when I feel his lips press to mine gently. Chaste and sweet. Though nothing like I've shared with Tommy, Cassidy's lips are warm and soft. And when he pulls away, he fills me with hope.

"It means you'll get your sight back. I don't know when, but it should fade back in within the next few days or weeks." He says, kissing my forehead gently. My heart is pounding in my chest. I'll be able to see again. I'll be able to look my baby in the face and not have to go by memory. I'll be able to see Cassidy… Cassidy…

I reach up slowly, my fingers brushing over the fabric of his coat, and up his chest, across his shoulders. They're broad, but firm. My fingertips trail over his throat and up his jaw; sharp features, strong structure. Very nice. He's got a pointed nose, thin lips, and smooth skin, stubble on his jaw. My fingers dive into his hair, and it's soft, like Tommy's. Short and neat though. I smile slightly.

"Thank you." I tell him, resting my hands on the sides of his face. His cheeks press into my palms as he smiles.

"I'm going to get you, Tommy and everyone else out of here. You're going home, Adam. You'll be able to see your family again." My family. I'll be able to see… Mom, Dad, Neil? My heart swells and tears pool in my eyes, spilling down my cheeks. I'll be able to see my family again.

"C'mon. I'm taking you back to your room. I suspect that Drake and Brad are going to pay you and Tommy a visit," I tense slightly. "Don't worry though. I'll be nearby at all times to make sure you two don't get hurt." Cassidy helps me off of the table and guides me to the door, one hand on the small of my back and the other on my right forearm. I nod once. He's got a plan, and that reassures me. For almost a year and a half, my only plan was to stay alive. And on more accounts than one, I've almost failed. But now… Cassidy's here, and he's getting us out.

The walk back is silent, and Cassidy puts on a rough façade, pushing me occasionally and hissing insult after insult. But I know he's only putting on this show so as to not be suspected. He unlocks the door and eases me inside, slamming it shut after I enter. I fumble forward towards my bed, my hand resting on Tommy's foot. He shifts, but his light snoring tells me that he's still asleep. I smile, walking around the bed by feeling the edge, and I reach forward. Tommy's lying on the side nearest the wall, and I crawl in beside him, wrapping him up in my arms. My burns and cuts are burning, but it's a little easier to deal with since Cassidy cleaned them. I close my eyes, breathing. I don't want to sleep, but my body needs it, and I drift.

The drifting doesn't last long as the door swings open, slamming into the wall. I jerk away, blinking and wanting to scream as I still cannot see. Tommy shifts beside me and I hear footsteps coming for us. Tommy screams as I'm pulled away from him. I know these hands, I know these bodies. Drake and Brad. They've come for us. They've come and I can hear Tommy struggling with someone. There's a bang, and I cringe. Tommy stops screaming. No, my baby!

"Little slut." Drake hisses in my ear, pulling me out the door. I thrash against his hold. Where is Cassidy? Is Tommy okay? Fuck, fuck! My Tommy— Tommy!

"Hey!" Thank God! "Where are you taking him?" Cassidy's voice is hard, like venom.

"Burn ward. I need to give him his weekly checkup." Drake. You fucking liar. You motherfucking liar!

"What room? I need to run tests on him, and it'll be less of a waste of time if I work with you." Drake tenses his hold on me, and I can hear his teeth cracking.

"Fourteen—bee." Drake says, pulling me farther down the hall.

"I'll be there in just a moment." Cassidy says, and I hear a door shut. But Drake and I haven't gone far down the hall, so Cassidy must've gone into mine and Tommy's room. My heart pounds in my chest. I know Brad was with Drake; they're inseparable. Oh, God. Brad's going to kill him. 'Cassidy, no…' I think, but Drake pulls me away, down corners and another hall, pulling me into a room.

He shoves me inside and I stumble a few feet, slamming into a counter. Shaking, I turn towards where he pushed me from, and his lips crash against mine. I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing my hands into his shoulders and shoving. His teeth bite down on my bottom lip, slicing it open. I hiss, tasting blood as he attacks me again, grinding his hips into mine as his teeth nip at my throat. I growl, breathing hard as my hands clench the edge of the counter. My hands roam slightly, not far from their original place. I don't need him to see how obvious I'm searching.

I needed something, anything… Anything to get him off of me and— my thumb nicks the blade of a small knife. Slowly, I pull it into my grasp as Drake kisses my neck and my collar bones, ripping open the front of my shirt. I grit my teeth, curling the knife into my hand. But this isn't enough. Drake needs to believe that I'm enjoying myself. I tilt my head back, letting out a soft moan as his teeth nip and suck at my skin, marking the already marred flesh. Holding the knife flat, I grip Drake's shoulders, hoping he doesn't notice the strange shape pressing into his arm.

He doesn't. He keeps kissing me, his hands working to get my pants undone. No. He's not going to get this satisfaction of touching me anymore. I can't let him. I don't let him. He's done it for over a year. And it ends now. I lift my hand up, pulling up and thrusting down, driving the blade of the knife into Drake's shoulder. He lets out a blood-curdling wail, thrashing and hitting me across the face, sending me to the floor. He falls to the floor beside me, clawing at my exposed skin and screaming at me. It's beautiful, hearing him scream. He deserves it. He deserves everything that I want to do to him…

"Adam." Cassidy's voice is soft in my ear, and Drake stops clawing at me. He's screaming at Cassidy, crying out for help. I never even heard Cassidy come into the room. But whatever. Drake's cries of protest become muffled. Cassidy must've gagged him. He lifts me to my feet slowly, careful not to jostle me too much. "He's strapped in a chair, gagged. We can leave him or—"

"No. He deserves to be punished for what he's done to me and Tommy. He deserves to die… But that's too nice for someone like him." I hiss angrily. I can smell a strange scent on Cassidy, and I wonder what he might've done to Brad…

"We don't have much time." Cassidy tells me, and everything that I want to do is destroyed. I snarl, shuffling over to where Drake is strapped, my hands pressing his forearms into the arm rests. He thrashes, his insults and threats muffled behind the gag, and I smile.

"Now you know what it's like. Now you know the fear. But you will never understand the pain. And you will never recover from this." I hiss in his face, my hand sliding over his shoulder and gripping the handle of the blade. There's a benefit to being temporarily blind. I don't have to witness the horror of scarring the man I used to love. I don't have to be subjected to the horror that, for a few moments, I'm just like them. Oh well. An eye for an eye.

I pull the blade out from his shoulder, my other hand grabbing onto his hair and holding him in place. He screams at me from behind the gag even as I dig the knife into his forehead and slash it down in random directions, slicing his faces over and over. I lose count, but I move on, slashing his shoulders, his arms, his chest and legs, stabbing him occasionally when I grow tired of flicking my wrist. All this while, with stabbing and slicing and punching the douche, Cassidy stands somewhere else in the room. Drake is breathing hard, his screams less defined. I drop the knife to the floor, listening to it clatter before turning my head.

"Cassidy— is there any acidic based powder in here?" Drake goes silent as Cassidy shuffles behind me, pressing a plastic container into my hand. I smile, turning back towards Drake. I reach forward, pulling the gag off of his mouth. He's breathing heavily, whimpering in fear.

Without a word, I throw the contents of the container on him, listening as he screams and cries, the acid burning his skin and sinking into his blood. I don't know if it's going to kill him or not. And right now I don't care. Cassidy pulls me out of the room and down the hall. I'm mindless, my thoughts blank as turn after turn is made. Voices wash around me and everything becomes distant.

I don't remember getting out of the building. I don't remember getting into a car and driving. I barely remember telling anyone where I lived. But somehow I end up being pulled from the car. Mom's crying and hugging me tightly, soon followed by Dad and Neil. They're all weeping and saying they thought I was dead. They're horrified by the scars on my face. And when they bring me inside the house and they see the rest of my nightmare, they don't let go of me for a very, very long time.


	10. Chapter Ten: Tonight We Are Reborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Burn lyrics are taken from Cassidy's Burn Live Session on youtube. You won't find them anywhere and they belong to Cassidy. This chapter ends Burn, but Spindle will tell the story of what happened to Brad and Cassidy and what caused them to change.

It takes me a week to be released. Cassidy greets me with Monte when I get out. Monte pulls me into another hug, and I still want to cry. Everything that happened over the last month is burned into my memory, it something I won't be able to ever forget. "Shh. Tommy. You're gonna get through this. You have us." Monte's voice is nothing but comfort, and I pull away from the hug shaking.

I fall into Cassidy's arms, he runs a finger though my hair trying to sooth me. "Glitterbaby it's okay. You're gonna be okay. You're safe."

"Adam." I choke out. "Where's Adam?" I whisper.

"He's safe. He's home. You want to go see him?" Cassidy's voice is soft, I nod and head to Monte's car- I see Mia in the car with Longineu and I start crying again, as Cassidy opens the door for me and I go to sit on the leather, Longineu pulling me into a hug followed by Mia let a sob leave my lips.

"Baby, my poor baby." Mia whispers as I sob into her shoulder as we drive.

Cassidy explains what he saw that day, and Monte's expression is horrified. "They, Brad he did this to Tommy. He broke him. Monte if you could see the girl I met she was fourteen and she was scared to death, her eyes were like a scared child. Then there was that boy. Adam. He, Monte what they did to him it was inhuman. That boy has so many scars; he had burns all over the place…" Their voices broke into whispers as the car stopped at a house.

"Tommy you should go alone for now, I need to talk to the others. I'll be back in awhile." I nod at Cassidy getting out of the car, and walk up to the door knocking- almost hesitating.

A woman with dark hair answers her eyes cautious looking me over. "Can I help you?" Her voice is cautious.

"I'm Tommy Ratliff. I'm looking for Adam." Her eyes soften, and Tommy knows she knows what happened.

"Leila, I'm Adam's mother." She says as she lets me in. "He's upstairs second room on the left." She says before walking away, I head upstairs my boots noiseless against the stairs. He's on his bed upstairs sobbing, I can hear him crying. I walk into the room going to sit beside his body- his scarred body.

"Baby." I whisper against his ear and he looks up tears in his beautiful blue eyes.

He pulls me into a hug- sobbing. I don't speak, but I cry. We will never be hurt again, I know this. I know we won't. "Thank you Tommy." He whispers, and I understand, he's thanking me for telling Cassidy. That Cassidy could make a difference to the nightmare and brought our lives back. I run my fingers though his jet black hair.

Adam smiles though his tears, lacing his hand with my free hand. "Adam, I've a few people that want to meet you, friends of mine." He nods, standing up with me our hands still laced as we walk down the stairs.

"Mom." Adam calls parting with me for a brief second.

"Yes baby?" She answers him softly entering the room.

"Do you mind if Adam comes with me?" I ask my voice quiet.

Leila smiles at me. "Tommy, you don't know how much you have helped Adam. He might have been dead if not for you. I thank you for keeping my son alive, and Cassidy. Please thank him for bringing my baby home. For saving him, I don't what I would have done and Adam do you have your phone?"

Adam nods, and she smiles letting us leave.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I walk down the street of La with him; it's been my home for as long as I can remember. Our fingers intertwined together, I push open the door of Skingraft the place that is like my second home and I lead Adam up the stairs they're not open today, but I know Cassidy is around. I'm correct as we reach the top of the stairs; I can hear Cassidy's laughter as he talks with someone and I smile as I push the door in and walk in with Adam.

There's a group of people, some of them I know and then some that I don't and Adam's eyes widen beside me. He must know some people, we go hand and hand to join the group and Cassidy looks in my direction and his breath freezes when he sees Adam and gets up, Adam unlaces his hand from mine and looks into Cassidy's brown eyes for the first time.

Adam chokes out a sob, and Cassidy pulls him into a hug, a hug that wants to erase the pain. "Shh. You're safe." I nod at him and then a familiar redhead pulls me into a bear hug.

"Allison!" My voice is overjoyed, and then I notice Kris beside her as she pulls away and he grips her hand. "Kris. You guys are okay." They grin at me, and Cassidy walks back over with Adam. Adam has small tear marks on his face but he's relived and happy. I can tell he's happy and his eyes widen.

"Monte!" He shouts and Monte turns surprised startled.

I have never in my life seen Monte cry, except for now. He cried. "Adam you were, I didn't know." His voice breaks off into sobs and Adam hugs him tightly and they talk for awhile.

"Adam." I say softly. "I'm going to go talk to Cassidy about something." I give him a small peck on the lips, and he smiles at me, then goes back to talking and I'm happy that he's okay.

I catch Cassidy by his stairs to his bedroom, and I follow him upstairs. He shuts the door to his loft of a bedroom upstairs and I go to sit at one of the two chairs by his desk. His sketches for clothing designs litter the desk along with song lyrics in Cassidy's handwriting, there's cover art for his CD on his desk and other various things, and a familiar scrawl that haunts me catches my eye and before I can see what it is, Cassidy shoves it into his pocket.

"Cassidy. What happened that day?" I ask him my voice quiet.

It's death quiet in the room.

Cassidy swallows hard before speaking. "Drake took Adam into a Burn ward, I stayed behind by then Brad had already knocked you out. I.-" He bites his lip slightly. "Glitterbaby can we please drop this." Cassidy's tone goes cold; it's nothing I've ever heard from him. "I have no regrets in what I did, the bastard is alive yes, and he won't be found for quite awhile." Cassidy's voice is laced with an emotion I don't understand.

"Cass I was just ask"-

"Don't just ask Thomas. You have no right to." He hisses at me.

My blood runs cold. He doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust me. I change the subject for the better. "How's the CD?" As soon as I ask that question the bedroom door opens and Adam walks in and shuts the door behind him, and bends down to give me a brief kiss before I focus back on Cassidy.

He's holding a piece of paper and his guitar in the other. He hands me the lyrics- he wrote and I let Adam read them over my shoulder. The song is titled Burn. Adam doesn't speak as Cassidy begins to strum his guitar to the beat of the song he created. When Cassidy starts singing, it's raw. It's raw, haunting and powerful.

_"We'll go were the night wind blows across the desert sky. Into the flames that burn us down and carry us all high. Burn though the flesh and bones and leave behind this ancient soul and leave those naked wounds exposed. Tonight we are reborn. And as we climb into the air we'll cast away our fears, throw them into the darkness tonight we have no fear."_ Cassidy's voice is haunting so much raw emotion in it- it feels like a story being told.

My breath hitches along with Adam's own at the lyrics, and I grip Adam's hand listening on. _"So give into the nightmare give into the rage. Death will come and strip you numb and lead you to your grave. Burn it all away. Bring us to our knees purge us of this disease. And rip apart are way word soul. Cause I don't know how much we can take and I don't know if it's bound to break. And all I can live to say is burn it down and burn it all way. And it burns. And it burns. And it burns. And it burns. Burn it all away. And it burns. And it burns. And it burns. And it burns. Burn it all away."_

_"As the light touches your face and the day begins to break wipe those ashes from your skin. Because we can begin again again again again."_ As Cassidy voice fades out, I'm left haunted and close to tears and Adam is crying, that song is everything we went though as one whole thing. I can see the tears sliding down Cassidy's face as he gets up.

I face Adam. "Baby. It's okay. It's okay." I whisper soothing my fingers into his hair. I run my fingers though his locks, trying to sooth him and I pull his thinner frame onto my lap. "Shh." I whisper placing a kiss on his forehead, then his jaw, and down his neck. "It's going to be okay. You have me. You have me Adam." I whisper pressing light kisses to his neck and he buries his head in my shoulder.

He wraps my arms around me pulling me into a kiss that's venting out everything that was held back, and it's heartbreaking, it makes me cry holding onto him tighter, clinging onto him for life. For right now we forget our lives-everything that has happened tangled in each other's arms. We forget about the torture, the rape- the lies, and betrayal and everything that broke us. We forget everything but each other and how lucky we are to be alive this day in each other's arms.

I don't know how long we stay locked in that embrace of peace in our souls in each other's arms on Cassidy's bed. I close my eyes and hold onto the embrace never letting it go and knowing deep in my heart I'll never have to…

What I don't hear is the whispered sobs from Cassidy's lips. The hushed I still love you. The soft kisses and bites placed on his neck, as he cries like a wounded child, like it has lost its mother. I don't realize what Cassidy didn't want to tell me till the next morning, when I see the letter in the haunting handwriting. The words that made Cassidy vanish off into the night and not to be heard from again for a very long time, and the one thing that chills me the most to the core is the writing at the bottom.

_ I'll always love you baby. –Brad Bell._

I'm frozen haunted unable to move even as the paper drifts out of my hands and out of sight my eyes are wide at the fact that he loved that monster, and I cry out harder in Adam's arms now for a whole new reason.

But deep in my heart I know this isn't the ending it's just the beginning of something, but a story that people will remember us by for a long time.


End file.
